Section 9 on Crack
by demonicDRAMAqueen
Summary: Weird ideas that got stuck in my head based on Ghost in the shell anime series. Don't expect it to make sense. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Dumdedum...I'm back. And this time I'm back with Ghost in the Shell. Please don't expect me to be serious. I'm lacking it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ghost in the shell only my sad sad hippos.**

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**POKER**

It was a beautiful night. The clear sky, the twinkling of the stars and the brightness of the moon against the dark of the night. There was a light breeze as well. All of these beautiful things did nothing for Batou's mood.

He pulled his coat closer for comfort, even though his cybernetic body didn't need it. It was just a comfort. Besides it was summer. Who wore coats in summers? He moved briskly away from the parking lot and towards the entrance of the building. Taking care no one saw him he creeped up to the door and checked the area for any sign of life or AI life...whatever. He entered and let his coat drop.

Grunting under his breath he walked in carefully avoiding all the security cameras. He would have used his optic camo but...well it couldn't be done. He hoped that the Major had hacked the cameras after all it was because of her that he was in this situation in the first place. But then again...she could be rather sadistic in these situations.

He made his way up the stairs...the lift would probably blow his cover. On his way up he wondered how he got himself into shit like this anyway. On reaching the destined floor he walked into the lobby and passed an android.

''Good evening sir.'' she said. Batou grunted back but didn't stop. Although he could feel the androids eyes on his back before he heard the sound of a shot circuit from where she sat followed by a solid thump. Looking back he saw her lying on the floor, the ports in her neck smoking.

He was going to kill someone.

He reached the door. The dreaded door. This was it. The final step towards freedom...and embaressment. He hesitated a bit as he stared at the doorknob.

''Screw this'' he muttered angrily before he pushed the door open and stepped in awaiting the inevitable.

The first thing that happened was...nothing. Everyone simply stared at the tall buff man with cybernetic eyes with his hair pulled up in a bun and a pink tutu with matching ballerina shoes laced up to the knees. Saito just stared at him with an amused look in his eyes, Togusa looked ill, Borma and Pazu choked on their coffee. The major just smirked.

''All right!'' Batou growled''just get this over with already.''

No one said a word. The door behind him opened and something crashed to the floor, hot liquid seeped into his stockings.

''Oh God! My eyes!'' Ishikawa cried out and a snort escaped someone and all hell broke loose.

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15 minutes later

Saito coughed hard from the punch Batou had gifted his stomach, Pazu was in tears and Borma looked thoroughly amused. Togusa looked distrubed and Major seemed to have the time of her life.

Bitch.

Ishikawa though...looked pained. And green. At least he knew one thing now...

''No one challenges the Major in Poker''

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**Ping! There you go...first chappie up. Enjoy!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Second chapter in this drabble set. I apologise to Twilight fans, but Motoko doesn't seem like a Twilight lover. So there goes.**

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**Twilight**

Motoko Kusanagi sat at her desk her head lay between her arms. She was pretty sure her brain had fried... Never again...no more...she swore never to get into Tagusa's ideas.

But then again...Togusa had warned her about the danger.

She was ready to jump off buildings, face off giant suits of armour, anything but this.

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**The night before...**

''Are you sure about this major?'' Togusa asked as he opened the door to his house. He seemed worried. '' You don't have to do this.''

She had smirked at his tone. Almost as though he was feeling sorry for her. They stepped inside and waited for Togusa's wife to come down the stairs.

It had been Togusa's wife who had come up with the idea. The kids were at their grandparents house and Togusa was supposed

to be on a job out of Japan in forty-five minutes along with Batou.

Just then Mrs. Togusa flew down the stairs in a pair of cream flannel pajama's and threw her arms around her husband before turning back to Motoko and offering her a hand and a wide grin. Togusa smiled at them and waved before turning and leaving. For a second Motoko thought his lips formed the words ' God save you' but that was probably her imagination.

An hour later she realized that maybe it wasn't her imagination. She sat on the couch next to Togusa's wife uncomfortably in a pair of pink flannel pajamas that were a size too small. Thankfully, no one else would know.

Mrs. Togusa passed her a huge bowl of popcorn which she simply held in her hands. A simple girls day in...what could go wrong?

And besides how bad could an old english movie be?

The movie started and the screen glowed soaking the dark room in an eerie blue glow. The title appeared...'Twilight'.

This wasn't so bad. In fact she thought she might just enjoy the night.

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The door swung open and Batou strode in with his hands in his pockets. A cheesy grin adorned his face as he took in the state of his commander.

''So...I heard you had a girls night in with Togusa's wife.'' he asked, amusement clear in his tone. '' had fun?''

A pained groan was all the answer he got.

''That much huh?'' he couldn't help it. Even if he was going to be missing a few of his cybernetic organs later it would be worth it.

But when all he got was another pained groan he couldn't help but worry. ''Jeez major what the hell happened?''

For a moment he thought he would not get a reply from her, but then she raised her head and stared back at him with an extremely blank look on her face.

'' I stared at a screen with glittering Vampires and emo teenagers...oh and masochistic werewolf for hours...5 parts of it ...back to back...while trying to convince Togusa's wife to stop crying.''she answered in a dull voice.

''Aaaah! You mean that Twilight thing that had to be banned for young girls because they jumped down cliffs to find their Edwards?'' Batou laughed.

The major growled but it only made him laugh harder.

''Shut up Batou.''

No effect.

''Shut Up!''

Nothing.

''THATS IT!''

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''What did you do major?'' Ishikawa's voice was as tired as his face.

''He asked me to do it.'' there was nothing defensive in her tone. Just the calmness that chilled Ishikawa to the bones.

''I'm pretty sure he didn't ask for you to rip off his jaw, major!'' Ishikawa said as he rubbed his brow.

She just hmphed and strutted out the room, leaving a very frustrated Ishikawa to deal with a completely jawless but somehow still laughing Batou.

''Stop laughing you crazy son of a bitch'', Ishikawa rubbed the bridge of his nose.

He had to take special care from now on.

And never again allow the major on another night in for the sake of human and cyborg life alike.

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**Well that's it for now. Review.**


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